Good News, Bad News

Good news! I receive the GPA which i have been waiting for. I thought i would not get it since my level ranking dropped from 68 to 80 but somehow i get it so YAY!!! Well, this is the only good news but for bad news... haiz... i will talk about it now. Well, i got scolded from my mum. My cousin from USA was suan-ing me that i don't know how to wrap a present so i say that he always look down on me and than my mum say that i also talk like that. Then i was like whatever. Then, i wanted to help to wrap the present and my mum said that i don't know how to wrap so she say she wrap since her wrapping skills are better than mine so i was like okay then. Well, since she was wrapping so i have nothing to do so, i was just sitting there playing with some stuffs on the table. Then, my cousin asked what am i doing and i said i am doing nothing and my mum as like shouting at me telling me not to "sa jiao" and i was like, whaat did i done? Then, i was thinking if i should shut up and stop doing anything. Well, then i was thinking, everytime when i get scolded for something then i will start telling myself to shut up and talk less next time. Well, suddenly i thought of something Bryan said at the chalet, "why are you so anti-social?" Now, i am thinking if i am really changing. Changing for a sociable girl and an anti-social. I do realise i talk less nowadays but i don't know. But it was my mum who tell me to stop crapping. Well, i think she is right since she is my mum with a greater knowledge but i didn't know that her saying made me change into an anti-social person. Well, my mum gives more caare towards my cousin since he is the guest and she likes son more therefore even if i am ignored, i am also fine with it. Now, i really don't know if i should listen anymore. I starting to turn anti-social. Really anti-social. I really hate who i am now. Because i don't even that this is the real me. Controlling all my emotions, talk as little as possible or the best is to shut up. But i can't do anything since if i don't change into anti-social, my mum will scold me for my craps. Well, i think i am treating my cousin very good enough since i have never been so good to anyone before but my mum thinks i am not treating him not good enough. Well, i don't know anymore. I feel very tired of helping my cousin because whenever i help him, i get myself into trouble. Sometimes, i just feel like saying everything is my fault, give me a death sentence. I am tired...and i really hate who i am now. I feel like crying but i am not allowed to. I really don't know what to do. So tired...very tired. I WANT TO BE WHO I SHOULD BE BUT NOT A PUPPET!!! But this is just my feelings and i cannot do what i want to do. Admit to fate. This is all about it. I have no choice to choose. Meaningless...meaningless...meaningless